Why We're Not "Blank-Slate" Therapists

Have you ever had an experience with a therapist where you felt like you were entering an incredibly professional, sterile atmosphere (with a couch that you almost expected yourself to be laying on) while you dump out the traumas of your life and hear your therapist respond "yes, tell me more about that", with a neutral, blank look on their face?

Hey, we have, too.

And we're therapists ourselves.

In fact, we were taught that "this is the right way" to "do" therapy when we were in graduate school. We were trained to be blank-slate, neutral therapists that show no reaction to our clients trauma. We're taught that by remaining neutral, by showing zero emotion to what our clients are saying, we refrain from any judgement the client might assume we have about them. But what if this does the exact opposite, especially if you're a C-PTSD survivor?

What if you need your therapist to emotionally validate what you've been through?

What if you grew up in a home where, as a child, you were constantly monitoring the facial expressions of your parents to figure out how they felt about something?

What if co-regulation in therapy actually looks like your therapist emotionally mirroring what you've experienced while providing a safe place for you to land?

Well, I've gathered us all here today (and by us, I mean me and my fellow therapist friends at Root Counseling) to chat about why we aren't (and honestly, can't be even if we tried) blank-slate therapists, and why it's actually important for us to not be with people who have C-PTSD.

But before we chat with my therapist friends, let's nerd-out on the psychology behind the vagus nerve (I promise this will all tie together soon!)

The Vagus Nerve

I recently completed a training on Polyvagal theory, and now I can't shut up about it, so here we are (but it's so fascinating, and I think you'll love this.)

Okay, so the vagus nerve is the main nerve of our parasympathetic nervous system. It connects our brainstem to our heart, lungs, gut, voice, face, ears, and parts of the pelvic organs. It carries more information from the body to the brain than from the brain to the body. So it's not just calming you down: it's reporting what's happening.

Stephen Porges, the mastermind behind Polyvagal theory, proposed that the vagus nerve has two main branches with very different evolutionary jobs:

1. Ventral Vagal - this is the newest layer of our three-layered nervous system. The ventral vagal is all about safety, connection, and regulation. When we're triggered, the very first question our nervous system asks is "Can I connect to someone for safety?"

   1. The branch supports full breathing, social engagement, facial expression, vocal tone, and feeling present and embodied.

2. Dorsal Vagal - this is the oldest reptilian part of our three-layered nervous system. When we're triggered, if our nervous system decides that it can't connect to someone for safety, it then asks the sympathetic nervous system (the second layer) "can I fight or flee?" If we can't do either, it moves to the final third layer of our nervous system (the dorsal vagal), and it asks, "can I dissociate or play dead?" The dorsal vagal is activated when we shutdown or freeze.

   1. This branch supports slowing the heart rate dramatically, numbing, dissociation, lowered energy, and collapse when escape isn't possible.

   2. This is not our body being in a relaxed state. It is last-resort survival.

The vagus nerve is part of your neuroception system, which is the unconscious process that asks "am I safe right now?"

It reads:

• facial cues

• voice tone

• pace

• predictability

• internal body states (heart, gut, breath)

  
  

Then it adjusts:

• heart rate

• digestion

• muscle tone

• emotional availability

All of this happens without conscious thought.

Because the vagus nerve is linked to vocal cords, middle ear, facial muscles, and diaphragm, that's why

• a warm voice feels calming

• slow, natural breathing helps regulation

• being seen by a safe person changes how your body feels

• tone and rhythm matters more than words

Because the vagus nerve learns through experience, repeated experiences of safe connection, choice, predictability, gentle rhythm (like humming, walking, or rocking), and staying within tolerance improves vagal function.

If the very first question our nervous system asks when triggered is "can I connect to someone safely?", and the way we assess connection is through the vocal cords, middle ear, facial muscles, and the diaphragm, then the approach of non-blank-slated therapists might be touching on something super important here.

Blank-slate therapy prioritizes intellectual insight.

Trauma-informed therapy prioritizes felt safety.

Alright, to end this post, let's bring my trauma-informed therapist friends/co-workers into this conversation.

Martha Witkowski, MA, LPCC-S, CLC, CAHPE

"I would say I show up as myself in session with clients because I know that authentic human connection is at the core of healing attachment trauma, so showing up as my authentic self is perhaps the most important part of what I do as a therapist."

Ryan Witkowski, MA, LPCC-S, CAHPE

"Part of the structure or essence of trauma is people dealing with their emotions alone, or as Peter Levine says, without the presence of an empathetic other. So, our real reactions to our clients is attunement. It's "oh, they see me", or "I feel seen here". Progress in therapy is the practice of them being allowed to see and recognize the emotions and parts that they have had to (as an adaptation) disassociate from. The relationship in therapy is inseparable from the interventions and theories we use."

Shannon Dunn, MSW, LISW

"As far as my approach to working with individuals who have experienced trauma, it is important to be able to establish safety, security, and a stable connection. To be able to establish this sense of safety, it's valuable when the therapist can show up as their authentic selves int he therapy "room". Trauma often fractures one's ability to establish trust and security. A genuine, compassionate approach allows our clients to work towards co-regulation. This is the ability for human beings to be able to engage in rest and stillness together. When done in a stable, healthy environment, co-regulation can result in a re-establishment of safety in stillness in the presence of another human being. Trauma therapy is often focused on being able to re-train one's nervous system, like physical therapy for our mind/body connection. Therefore, when my clients ask me personal questions, I will provide honest, brief and accurate answers to allow for an increased sense of safety."

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Healing happens through genuine, authentic connection. If you're curious about working with one of our therapists, you can learn more about us here.