We have all had experiences of not understanding how we feel about something or how we understand something. Often times there is an expectation that we should always be ready to know and express what is going on inside of us. So often we say we are “ok” or “fine” or some iteration of that. Other times, when we need to express something and don’t know how, we can withdraw or become distant.
Below is a tool you can use to help you connect with what your internal process is at anytime and then community to clearly and authentically to your loved ones.
Parts of a Process Statement:
1) Identify an area to yourself that you might now have an answer to or feel a sense of uncertainty.
2) Acknowledge or communicate to your partner that you are feeling very unsure about something important to you and you don’t yet know how to handle it or what to say. Explain you really want to process this thing with them and will do so when you feel ready.
3) Bring awareness or be mindful (can help to practice this with meditation or your therapist) to what feels uncomfortable, what emotions you have or what beliefs about yourself are coming into your awareness.
4) Communicate to partner what you are experiencing AKA - what emotions or discomfort. Be sure to only talk about yourself and what is inside you. Your experience may have something to do with them BUT your experience is yours to own.
5) End with a bid for connection. This could be physical connection or words or whatever you know makes your partner feel connected to you.
6) Thank them for listening
7) Give yourself credit
This tool can be used for important moments and conversations or as a way to help you be open and vulnerable and in turn help your partner connect with you emotionally. This is a great practice in connecting to the true nature of what you are going through and models vulnerability, trust and openness in the relationship.